In honor of World Breastfeeding Week

First to answer a few questions:

1) Do I have kids? Yes

2) How many and how old? 2 that are 6.5 months

3) Do I breastfeed? No

4) Do I support breastfeeding? Yes

5) Do I support public breastfeeding? Yes

6) Do I support breastfeeding without a cover? Yes

7) Do I support breastfeeding as long as the mother feels is necessary? Yes

I imagine most "lactavists" would read these and say "It's so wonderful that she supports breastfeeding and all it's glory, but what a shame she doesn't breastfeed her babies." Unfortunately, there is one very important question missing from this list.

8) Why don't I breastfeed?

Now, I could give you the simple answer and say "I tried, but it didn't work out," but I'm afraid I would still look like a mom who didn't try hard enough. So I feel obligated to explain myself.

Let me list the reasons why:

1) My girls were born prematurely.

2) They had low birth weights.

3) Elly had trouble learning to suck.

4) Elly had some digestion issues the first few days.

5) They are twins.

6) I had a very stressful end to my pregnancy.

7) They stayed in the NICU after I was discharged from the hospital.

8) If you've never had to leave your newborn child at the hospital and not be able to bring them home with you, you can't imagine what that does to your psyche. = stress

9) I had a very dehydrating illness for 3 days only a week after my girls were born.

10) I had an infection in my c-section incision site that required 2 different antibiotics and 2 weeks to get rid of. One of the antibiotics was passing to the girls and causing diarrhea, something they couldn't handle at their size and age.

11) We had a very well-meaning, VERY helpful house guest the first 3 weeks of our babies' lives. Unfortunately, this added to my stress level because I felt the need to be the host.

12) I had extremely low milk production. I tried pumping more often, pumping after cuddling with my girls, pumping after failed breastfeeding attempts, pumping every 3 hours, and pumping shortly after I was 'empty'. Unfortunately, the most I ever produced at one time was 2 ounces between both breasts. (I later found out that my having PCOS was a major part of my extremely low milk production.)

So 3.5 weeks after my girls were born, my husband and I decided that straight formula would be best for my health and the health of our children.

That being said, I would like to say the following to avid breastfeeders:

I do not breastfeed. I'm okay with this now, so I ask that you be okay with it too. It took me a while to realize that I did what was best for me and my family. I didn't just give up, I tried everything except medication. Please understand that there are more people than you know, men included (because our men are part of this too), that don't breastfeed but fully support those that do.

There are many people, that i'm sure you are aware of, that don't support public breastfeeding. I think this should change just as much as you do, but putting them down, yelling at them, and flat out being rude to them is not the way to solve the problem. Let me ask you, how did you know that breastfeeding was the best way for you to feed your child? Education. We should educate these people! Please also keep in mind that mass public opinions don't change over night. This particular fight has been growing for over 20 years. I remember seeing a mother breastfeeding her child in a library when I was in 1st grade. She was asked to go to the restroom or leave. Breastfeeding mothers have more rights now than ever, we just have to let people know about them...peacefully. Many women have been comparing this fight to that of segregation. Although I don't agree with that analogy, let's go with it for a second. When laws were changed to force companies, schools, bars, and even churches to allow 'non-white' people access, not all of them did. Yes there were repercussions, but eventually, with increased education we have all learned that no matter the color of skin, we are all actually the same.

Unfortunately, we can't change the minds of millions over night, but we can continue to educate. That is the point of World Breastfeeding Week.

Now I'll get off my soapbox and just say this: to people who breastfeed - keep up the good work! to people who don't breastfeed - you're doing a fantastic job! to people with or without kids who support public breastfeeding - keep being wonderful people! and to people who don't support public breastfeeding - we'd all love to talk to you about it, find out what your objections are, and see if we can't reach some common ground

Ellyssa Rose

Elly is the younger of my two girls (by a minute). She was born at 7:53am January 19, 2010 weighing 4lbs 9oz and 18.5 in long. She had a feeding tube for less than a day, was under Biliy lights for only 1 day, and spent 14 days in the NICU. Her only complications were learning to suck so she could eat and learning to regulate her own body temperature. She's my cuddle bug! Always wants to be held and cuddled, even today. At her 6 month check up she was up to 13lbs 15oz and 25 in long. Other than a cold, allergies (welcome to Oklahoma), a bout of Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease, and acid reflux problems, she is a VERY healthy and happy baby girl!

As of today, at 6.5 months old, she picks up small objects and is talking/babbling like a pro. She says "mama" "dada" and "baba" and really seems to understand what she's talking about! She just like her mom - she doesn't like to be left alone. She's quite content to just sit in your lap and watch what you're doing/watching. I love her so much!!!!!!

Lillian Faye

Lilly is the older of my two girls (by a minute). She was born at 7:52am January 19, 2010 weighing 4lbs 6oz and 17 3/4 in long. She only spend 1 day under Bili lights, and 13 days in the NICU. Her only complication was learning to regulate her own body temperature.

She's my charmer! Several of the NICU nurses comments, without provocation,

that she was socially smiling (not just gas) before she left the hospital...I agree.

At her 6 month check up she was up to a whopping 17lbs 1.5oz and 26 1/4 in long! This girls is going to take after her 6ft 4in tall Daddy. Other than a cold, allergies

(welcome to Oklahoma), and a bout of Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease, she is a VERY health and happy baby girl!

As of today, at 6.5 months old,

she has figured out that she can roll and spin to get to the toys she wants to play with (including the dog's water bowl). She is slowly learning how to use a sippy cup and to feed herself finger food snacks.

She's perfectly content to be by herself on the floor with toys or laying in her crib playing with her sister. She's very easy going and overly dramatic! I love her so much!!!!!!!

6 months already?

Seeing as my beautiful daughters are 6 months old, I should probably actually start my blogging. A little history for you: VERY shortly after my husband and I got married, we started trying to have a baby. After 2 years, 5 doctors, 1 surgery, countless tests, ultrasounds, and blood draws, and 3 rounds of IUI including pills and injections, we got pregnant! Here is a quick snapshot of my eventful pregnancy...

week 4 - We're pregnant!

week 7 - Holy Crow!!!! TWINS!!!! we heard both heartbeats

week 18 - It's a Girl! It's a Girl!

week 22 - diagnosed with an incompetent cervix - 25% effaced - put on total bed rest

week 23 - 50% effaced - hospitalized for monitoring and steroid shots

week 24 - sent home and told to see a doctor once a week from now on

week 25 - 75% effected - hospitalized for monitoring

week 26 - sent home...again with at home contraction monitoring

week 27 - 1 cm dilated

week 28 - 3 cm dilated - hospitalized for monitoring and penicillin (to prevent infections)

week 32 - 3-4 cm dilated - sent home very swollen

week 33 - showed signs of preeclampsia - now monitoring BP

week 34 - hospital triage visit due to BP

week 35 - hospital triage visit due to BP

35w4d - 2am hospital triage visit due to BP

7am doc says i'm staying in the hospital until the girls are delivered

3pm doc orders another round of blood work

6pm doc said that because of the preeclampsia, I've developed HELLP syndrome and baby B (Lilly) is showing signs of growth restriction, therefore we will deliver the babies bright and early the next morning!

35w5d - 7:52am Welcome Lillian Faye!!!

7:53am Welcome Ellyssa Rose!!!

It's hard to imagine that they've been in our lives for 6 months now! But given the outcome, I'd do it all over again.

I will soon add an entry for each girl, about their progress so far...and there's a ton to say :)